


what keeps us breathing

by oomf (indisguise)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, i'll do these later - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-23 14:36:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14334582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indisguise/pseuds/oomf
Summary: "Well hey somebody's gotta save the world! And it ain't gonna be me. So if me taking a bullet means that you'll stop being so damn stubborn and go out and actually stop this catastrophe than I'd take a million bullets! I might as well die if you'll get your head out of you ass and actually do something!" He caught his breath in his throat.She was so close he could see his own reflection in her eyes.





	what keeps us breathing

**Author's Note:**

> full disclosure: i have never been high before

She needed to breathe. Just a moment that would allow her to exhale.

Everything was too much right now. Coulson, she didn’t even want to think about. Fitz was...well is it possible to want to hate a person so badly but you physically can’t? And then there was Deke. Usually she could figure out a person pretty quickly, she knew how to talk to them, get what she wanted from them, and how to get under their skin. (Well, she definitely knew how to get under Deke’s skin.) But she couldn’t quite pin Deke down.

Metaphorically. Not literally.

One moment he was sweet and stupid and _almost_ cute and then the next he was being an asshole and bitching about nonsense.

And being in his presence was confusing enough without understanding him. Ever since...well, she felt guilty. And now there was a tension building in the base that was suffocating her.

She needed to breathe.

And naturally, the one person she was trying to get away from was there. Sitting right next to the back door that led out to a small ledge, his legs dangling precariously above the ground. She loved coming out here; she could see the entire town beneath the lighthouse. It was her only place of escape. And he was invading it.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

”Hi! Daisy!” He grinned at her from ear to ear.

”You know what I can’t even look at you without wanting to slap you.” Before she could walk back inside he grabbed her sleeve. 

“Well I’m glad we got that over with earlier. And you can stay. If you want.” She closed the door decisively and collapsed next to him. Why did she always listen to her heart instead of her head? 

“Thanks for your permission Deke.” She hadn't meant to sound so sarcastic. Actually, that was a lie. She wanted him to know that he drove her out of her skull.

”Hey what’s your problem with me anyways?” He stared down at his shoes as if maybe they would explain to him her undeniable hatred.

”Huh?” 

“Well I don’t know one moment you’re uttering death threats and the next you’re telling be about dear old dad and how it’s gonna be okay.” 

“Well the death threat was justified.” 

“Yet today you went and saved my life.” 

“Well I'm not gonna let you die. And what you did was super stupid. You can’t go around risking your life for me. You guys are so dumb and you need to stop being so reckless.” 

“Awwww that's almost sweet. I love you too.” He giggled.

”What? What are you on?” For sure he hadn't meant it. She knew he hated her. And normal people don’t walk around saying I love you.

But Deke was far from anything close to normal.

“Not sure really what it is.” He revealed the joint he’d been smoking. “Want some?” She gave him an incredulous look.

”Why would I wanna—”

”How the hell else would you deal with all of this.” His hands gestured at the lighthouse behind them. What he was talking about however, could not be seen on the surface. It lied far deeper than that.

She grabbed the joint from him. 

“Guess I will join you.” Her lips touched the same place his lips had just touched. Why was that what he noticed?

“And I also had some things to say. And I can’t seem to say them sober.”

”Oh really? You, Deke Shaw, not being able to say something?” He blushed at the fact that she knew his whole name. Something like that shouldn't have made him so happy.

”Ha. Ha. Very funny.” He inhaled the fresh air. This wasn't going to happen if he did nothing. He was going to say something. And maybe he felt like this because he was high on the drugs. Or maybe it was because he was high on the feeling he had whenever she was close. 

He hated that feeling.

Unfortunately for him though, a feeling like that is something you can never quite get enough of. 

"Anyway why do you hate me so much?"

"I have nothing against you Deke."

"Sure doesn't feel like that."

"Well maybe it's you who has the problem! Every think of that? You're the one out here taking up my place.”

"It's like we're cool and then all of a sudden you turn frosty and I'm left with no one who respects me."

"Heh. I don't respect you Deke." 

"Fine." He snatched the joint back from her. "Tell it someone who actually cares."

They sat there in silence. It would've been almost romantic, the setting sun and the gentle breeze. Except it wasn't. Because she was her and he was him and they would never work like that. 

"Listen I--"

"Sorry I shouldn't have--" They both stopped. The one time they were willing to talk and the other had something to say. 

"Lemme go first Daisy."

"Whatever the hell like I care."

"I just--" He could feel the tension growing again. They both could. It was like a rubber band and it was stretching and stretching to a point where it probably wouldn't ever be the same. "Daisy, I think you're super cool. And really hope one day you might actually like me, because I definitely like you. Like a lot." And the rubber band snapped. But, the tension was still there. Except it was different now, better somehow. 

When she still hadn't said anything he glanced at her to make sure she was still awake and he almost had to catch his breath.

She was stunning.

The sun glowed across her face and there was a distant look in her eyes. It was like she couldn't decide whether she was happy or sad. And the rest of her face, well, he could tell she was trying to stay still. She didn't want to give him any tells. But he could still see the faintest smile playing at her lips.

"You look really pretty." This time she couldn't help it. She laughed. For the first time in what felt like years.

"Was that you or the drugs talking?"

"Both. However a wise man once told me: a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts."

"Deke?"

"Mhm."

"I am sorry I've been such a bitch to you." 

"Okay. Hold on a second. I didn't use those exact words when I described you..."

"Yeah I know. It's just--" She sniffled. This time when he glanced over she wasn't smiling. This time there were tears that were trying to escape her eyes. Except she wouldn't let them. "God. This is all so messed up."

"Oh really? Because I think it's completely normal to try and change time!" He made her laugh. Except this time the tears  _did_ escape her eyes. And she wiped them away before he could see.

"The last serious boyfriend I had...well, we didn't end well." Did she just mention being a boyfriend? But--he couldn't--she didn't--together?

"Bad breakup?"

"I was going to sacrifice myself to save the world from an evil ancient alien who came through a portal from another planet and who could eat human flesh alive and could control me. Like brainwashing. But, this guy...he took my place. He exploded in space and saved the world and nobody is even going to remember his name."

"Oh. Well, what was his name?" She ignored his question. Maybe she hadn't heard it or maybe it was too much to bear. She couldn't possibly say his name without shattering into a million pieces. 

"And then the next guy, well he was cool."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He was the devil."

"The devil?! Are you shitting me right now? Is this just everyday occurrences for you people?"

"Yeah meeting you wasn't even close to some of the stuff we've gone through." 

"Wow suddenly I don't feel so special."

"You shouldn't."

"Thanks a bunch for your hospitality. I mean I totally get why you didn't like me a first. Dealing like this stuff for the past couple of weeks has been--" 

"It's been five years."

"Wha..."

"So I met him while he was ripping out the spine of another guy. And then I think we kinda bonded while he had me choked and tied to an office chair."

"Are you serious? And you guys still give me crap about that slavery thing."

"That was well deserving."

"Oh I made one little mistake--" He pinched his fingers together to show just how little.

"Anyway. It's just...complicated. Whenever we work together."

"Oh look at us. Acquaintances who hate each other to confused co workers. This is like these things on this other thing called Netflix. I can't sleep anymore. It's like being in the framework except it's other people and they do way cooler stuff than we do." She smiled again, and that made him smile. He would trade a soul if he could make sure she was always happy. Happy looked good on her. (Except when doing badass fighting. She looked amazing there too.)

"Deke I'm being serious. It's easier to yell at you for being so stupid than to..." She didn't need to finish that sentence. They both knew where the conversation was going. 

He thought about her. How could he live up to a fling with a devil? Or the guy who had sacrificed himself for her? That's when it dawned on him. It explained why she was so furious with him for staying behind.

"Hey. I know how it feels to have someone else's life on your conscience." 

"Do you?" She spit the words out.

"Yeah. My mom and dad died trying to make a better future for me. And at the lighthouse, you have to kill people all the time because it's better them than you." She felt so selfish. She had simply passed through hells. He'd been born and raised in one.

 "Sorry. I have no right to compare my life to yours."

"Are you kidding me? You met the devil!" She looked at him. His eyes shined with everything that was good in life. The innocence and the curiosity and the love. 

"Yeah." She liked this Deke. Was that even fair to say? To like the better part of someone? Someone (it obviously hadn't been him because it was way too neat) had trimmed his hair and his beard for him. Not that she noticed or anything. And he still smelled citrusy, like he'd sprayed himself with the orange aerosol can this morning. Not that she wanted to ever be that close to him. And his eyes and his facial features seemed softer, better adjusted. 

It was like for the first time he was seeing the world and all the happiness that came with it. 

"You know..." As he spoke she realized that even his voice seemed sweeter.

"I know a lot more than you Deke."

"Bet you don't know this one." 

"How much?"

"Twenty tokens."

"You mean dollars?"

"Sure. Yeah."

"You're on."

"I really wanna kiss you right now." Her face broke out into a grin. While happy he'd made her smile, he felt a pang of self doubt. His ego plummeted well below what he'd ever like to admit.

"I know."

"You what?" He pulled back. The thoughts of the bet had completely escaped him now. 

"I saw the security tape."

"You what?! What were you stalking me or something?"

"No of course not." She could feel the heat rising in her face and her cheeks flooded with color. "Mack and Piper were acting weird and I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You could've just asked me! Like a normal person!" 

"Not after what happened with Coulson."

"Okay. Fair point. And I offer my _sincerest_ condolences, but what the literal hell."

"I would've done it anyway. It's my job to monitor the security."

"And now is the time you finally decided to do your job. Mm-mm. Nope. I was intoxicated and I'm intoxicated right now and--"

"A drunk man's words--"

"Nope. You are not quoting me. This is not happening. I do not like you. That was a complete violation of my privacy." He started to collect his coat and shoes.

"Deke." She put her hand on his knee. He froze. His brain screamed at him to move. If she found out that her touch had this much power over him? Oh may god have mercy on him. And the thing was, it hadn't even been a flirtatious move. Or at least he thought.

"What Daisy? I tried to be nice and I tried the whole jerk thing neither seems to work for you."

"Oh I'm sorry for not putting up with you talking back to me all the time."

"Well maybe you wouldn't have to 'put up with it' if you didn't order be around like a dog!"

"Bitch really suits you Deke! And I was trying to protect you! But you gotta pretend like you're the hero and run around like a dumbass!"

"Oh so now you care so much about me? You treated me like I was nothing two days ago!"

"Because if I treat you any different something might happen!" 

"Like what Daisy? What are you so afraid of!" It was the perfect moment. All he had to do was not screw it up. If he just leaned in--

"You might die for all the hell I know!"

"Well hey somebody's gotta save the world! And it ain't gonna be me. So if me taking a bullet means that you'll stop being so damn stubborn and go out and actually stop this catastrophe than I'd take a million bullets! I might as well die if you'll get your head out of you ass and actually do something!" He caught his breath in his throat. 

She was so close he could see his own reflection in her eyes. 

"I really don't like you Deke."

"Good. Cause I feel exactly the same way."

"Amazing."

"That doesn't mean I don't still wanna kiss you though."

"Good. Cause I feel exactly the same way."

"Amazing." He could feel it. The tension. Neither of them were breathing. Neither of them were moving.

He could feel time slowing down. He could feel the breeze blowing across them and messing up his hair. He could feel the sun's warmth disappearing behind the horizon. He could feel her gentle touch on his leg and her hand on his shoulder. He could feel his heart stop. He could feel the distance closing between them as he moved. If it hadn't been for his eyes that were telling him otherwise he would've sworn the distance between them was infinite. 

And then suddenly she was leaning forward too. And then she was whispering in his ear. Her voice was softer than the wind and warmer than the sun and sweeter than the air.

"But I suppose I have to get my head out my ass first?" She stood up before he could react. And then she was opening the door to go back inside. "And maybe I'll save the world too while I'm at it." 

And the door slammed shut, echoing in his ears. His heart resumed, just barely though, and he realized how chilly it'd gotten. He slowly rose from where he'd been sitting, his head still in a daze, and headed back inside to follow her. 

He needed to breathe too. 

**Author's Note:**

> probably going to delete this in the morning


End file.
